A pastor's security system

A burglar broke into a pastor's house one night. As he looked around, stuffing any valuables he could find into his sack, his flashlight shone on the family parrot. The parrot said, "Repent! The angels are watching." The robber thought nothing of this and kept putting more things in his sack. Again, the parrot said, "Repent! The angels are watching." Again, the robber shrugged it off. The parrot kept repeating himself, and the burglar started getting annoyed. Finally, he turned and and yelled at the parrot, "Shut up, you religious bird!" The parrot quieted, and the burglar started towards the next room. To his horror, the flashlight revealed two huge Rottweilers blocking the doorway, growling through bared teeth. The parrot said, "Sic em', Angels!"

The same pastor had a prize white horse. The sign beside the gate said "HORSE THIEVES WILL BE STRUCK BY LIGHTNING." One day, a couple of guys thought that they would try to steal the horse. They paid no attention to the sign. The white mare stood still as one tied a rope to her halter. The minute the men tried to lead her out of the pasture, she started bucking and kicking like crazy! The men tried to calm her, but after getting pretty beat up, they ran out of the field as fast as they could, the horse right on their heels. The pastor, hearing the ruckus, came outside and stood by the fence, calmly watching. The men finally got through the gate and shut it behind them, battered and beaten. The pastor walked over to the two would-be thieves. One panted, "That's some unpredictable horse you got, Preacher." The pastor smiled and said, "I know. That's why I named her Lightning."

   Good ones.

 

Both are variations of ones I tell.

Those were good.