Search
 
 

Display results as :
 


Rechercher Advanced Search

Like/Tweet/+1
Latest topics
» Hilarious video A little garden fun by the cowboy poet Baxter Black
Fri Jun 17, 2016 12:54 am by mountainmama

» Facebook page
Sat Apr 30, 2016 6:48 pm by dizzy

» An Insurrection Coming
Sat Apr 16, 2016 6:52 am by 12acrehome

» Patrice's Patch Garden Journal
Sat Apr 02, 2016 8:47 am by PATRICE IN IL

» lambs and ewes
Wed Mar 23, 2016 11:46 pm by Farmfresh

» Irish Cuisine Class/Demonstration Recipes
Mon Mar 07, 2016 6:13 am by PATRICE IN IL

» Prayer request for my dh's aunt
Fri Mar 04, 2016 8:55 pm by PATRICE IN IL

» How has your day been and what's for dinner...................
Mon Feb 29, 2016 5:43 am by PATRICE IN IL

» Anyone Interested? - Pumpkin Seeds
Wed Feb 24, 2016 2:46 am by PATRICE IN IL

Affiliates
free forum

Top posting users this week


One of my favorite jokes to tell!

View previous topic View next topic Go down

One of my favorite jokes to tell!

Post by Harvey_Birdman on Wed Jul 10, 2013 11:00 pm

This is one of my favorite jokes to tell, but it is very long, so it is not fun to type. I hope you like it, and have fun retelling it.

The conductor joke...

All his life Jim wanted to be a trolley car conductor, so he went to conductor school. Sadly he finished last in his class. Eventually though he found a small town that was willing to give him the trolley car conductor job he had always wanted. Life was going great; he was on top of the world. Until one day he was conducting along and ran over a man who was trying to flag down the trolley.

In a panic he fled the town, changed his name, and started a new life as a salesman at a sporting goods store. As weeks turned into months, and months into years, Frank (as he was known now) just couldn't get trolley car conducting out of his mind. He just knew if he had another shot things would be different.
So he returned to conductor school. This time he finished around the middle of his class, he was so proud. Third time he was offered a job in a mid-sized city. He couldn't believe it. Last time it had to search and search for a job, now he was offered one.

He was doing great; he had even become friends with most of his regular riders. Nothing could ruin it this time. Except a woman on a cell phone who was not paying attention. She walked right out in front of him. It wasn't his fault, but if there is an investigation they will find out about the first time. So, once again he flees, changes his name, and gets a job drying cars as they come out of the automated car wash.

Steve (his new name) is happy, at least for a couple of years. Then he takes a vacation in San Francisco, the trolley car capitol of the world. Well this just stirs up all of his old feelings, and he just has to go back to conductor school. This time he is first in his class. Believe it or not someone from San Francisco is there at the graduation, and recruits him to work in the trolley car capitol of the world.

He is back on top!! He can't believe it. His very first day living his dream as a San Francisco trolley car conductor! He is waving at people, looking at the beautiful houses, and buildings, all while conducting along smiling from ear to ear. Surly nothing could go wrong this time. Well he throws him arm up to wave at a pretty lady, but he hits a small girl on accident knocking her out of the trolley to her death. He is broken inside! This time really got to him. This time he would not flee. He admits to killing the little girl and to the other 2 deaths as well. The judge sentenced him to death by the electric chair!

While waiting for the chair he is given the opportunity to appeal, but he does not. He accepts his fate, as he now feels that he deserves it. Finally the day comes. He is asked what he would like for his last meal. To which he say, “A spoiled mayonnaise and banana sandwich and a glass of sour milk.” The jailer says “you can have anything you want, and that is what you choose?” He replies “yep!”

The moment is here. He is in the chair. The executioner throws the switch, and……………nothing happens! He is taken from the chair back to his cell, and his execution is rescheduled.

Well the day comes again. The chair has been checked, and rechecked. He is asked what he would like for his last meal. To which he say, “A spoiled mayonnaise and banana sandwich and a glass of sour milk.” The jailer says “you can have anything you want, and that is what you choose?” He replies “yep!”
He is in the chair, wet sponge on his head, the switch is thrown…………………………………………………nothing again! He is again sent to his cell to wait for another day.

The chair is rechecked, and there was another execution. So it has to be working this time. He is asked what he would like for his last meal. To which he say, “A spoiled mayonnaise and banana sandwich and a glass of sour milk.” The jailer says “you can have anything you want, and that is what you choose?” He replies “yep!”

Strap him in throw the switch, and…………………………………………………………………………….nothing.

Federal law states that if an execution fails 3 times it is an act of God, and the person is to be released. So he goes before the judge to be released, and the judge say “in all my years I have never even heard of an execution failing once much less 3 times on the same person, you have to tell me your secret, was it the spoiled mayonnaise and banana sandwich and the glass of sour milk?”

Jim drops his head in shame and says, “No, I’m just a bad conductor!”

You call tell it with more or less detail depending on how you are telling it to. This is one of those that is funnier to the person telling it, because they know that it is a really long drawn out story that just ends in a pun. It kills me everytime I tell it. It works best if you can't tell it with a streaght face. I always keep pausing to laugh, this makes the victims, I mean tellees, thank the punch line must be great.

I hope you liked it, it cracks me up ever time I think about it.

God bless,
Chad
avatar
Harvey_Birdman

Posts : 485
Join date : 2013-03-15
Age : 33
Location : Kentucky

http://homesteadingpreacherman.blogspot.com/

Back to top Go down

Re: One of my favorite jokes to tell!

Post by dizzy on Thu Jul 11, 2013 8:29 am

That's pretty good! Laughing 

dizzy

Posts : 4015
Join date : 2012-09-21
Age : 55

Back to top Go down

Re: One of my favorite jokes to tell!

Post by Farmfresh on Thu Jul 11, 2013 10:15 am

That is a groaner for sure!
avatar
Farmfresh

Posts : 3323
Join date : 2013-06-08
Location : Missouri

http://www.uBuilderPlans.com

Back to top Go down

Re: One of my favorite jokes to tell!

Post by 12acrehome on Thu Jul 11, 2013 1:43 pm

No 

_________________
Proverbs 28:19  He who works his land will have abundant food...

Genesis 1:29  Then God said,"I give you every seed bearing plant on the face of the whole earth, and every tree that has fruit with seed in it..."

http://christiancountryramblings.com/
avatar
12acrehome
Admin

Posts : 4596
Join date : 2012-01-27
Age : 49
Location : Sebree, Ky (USA)

https://www.facebook.com/keith.skaggs.9

Back to top Go down

Re: One of my favorite jokes to tell!

Post by Harvey_Birdman on Thu Jul 11, 2013 5:10 pm

12acrehome wrote:No 

You frown now, but I bet you will retell it. And when you do you will see how fun it is. Like I said this one is funnier to the one telling it than it is for the one hearing it. LOL!
avatar
Harvey_Birdman

Posts : 485
Join date : 2013-03-15
Age : 33
Location : Kentucky

http://homesteadingpreacherman.blogspot.com/

Back to top Go down

Re: One of my favorite jokes to tell!

Post by Farmfresh on Fri Jul 12, 2013 3:37 am

I already re-told it to my hubby. You are right it is a fun joke!
avatar
Farmfresh

Posts : 3323
Join date : 2013-06-08
Location : Missouri

http://www.uBuilderPlans.com

Back to top Go down

Re: One of my favorite jokes to tell!

Post by Sonshine on Fri Jul 12, 2013 11:54 am

I love jokes like this. I have a couple like it and it's hilarious watching those who are hearing it for the first time, even funnier when told to a new person in front of those who have already heard it.

_________________
Sonshine
He who cultivates his land will have plenty of food,
but from idle pursuits a man has his fill of poverty
Proverbs 28:19[b]
avatar
Sonshine
Admin

Posts : 5253
Join date : 2009-05-07
Age : 59

http://christianhomesteader.forumotion.net

Back to top Go down

Re: One of my favorite jokes to tell!

Post by 12acrehome on Fri Jul 12, 2013 2:20 pm

Harvey_Birdman wrote:
12acrehome wrote:No 

You frown now, but I bet you will retell it. And when you do you will see how fun it is. Like I said this one is funnier to the one telling it than it is for the one hearing it. LOL!

Oh you're right

_________________
Proverbs 28:19  He who works his land will have abundant food...

Genesis 1:29  Then God said,"I give you every seed bearing plant on the face of the whole earth, and every tree that has fruit with seed in it..."

http://christiancountryramblings.com/
avatar
12acrehome
Admin

Posts : 4596
Join date : 2012-01-27
Age : 49
Location : Sebree, Ky (USA)

https://www.facebook.com/keith.skaggs.9

Back to top Go down

Re: One of my favorite jokes to tell!

Post by dizzy on Sat Jul 13, 2013 6:16 pm

I told this joke yesterday, and I think people were ready to beat me up! Laughing 

dizzy

Posts : 4015
Join date : 2012-09-21
Age : 55

Back to top Go down

Re: One of my favorite jokes to tell!

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum