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A Merry Heart

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A Merry Heart

Post by Sonshine on Sat Jun 22, 2013 7:25 am

In like of one of the current topics, I thought I would post this as a sticky to see how well recieved it is.  If people use it and enjoy it we'll give it it's own room.  So, give us your funniest stories and jokes. Smile

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He who cultivates his land will have plenty of food,
but from idle pursuits a man has his fill of poverty
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Re: A Merry Heart

Post by dizzy on Sat Jun 22, 2013 9:24 am

Bubba and the loan

Bubba walked into a bank in NYC.  Among all the stockbrokers, lawyers, etc he stuck out like a sore thumb in his holey jeans, greasy baseball cap, steel toed boots and raggity t-shirt.  He ambled up to one of the tellers and said around the tooth pick in his mouth, "I'd like to borrow $5,000 for 2 weeks so I kin go to a red neck convention in Paris."

The teller gave him an icy stare, and then asked, "Do you have an account in this bank?" "Naw", replied Bubba, "I ain't go no account in this here bank."  "Then, you'll need something for a security" the teller responded figuring that would finish off Bubba.

Much to his surprise, Bubba took out the title for a brand new, cherry red Porsche, and asked, "Will this do?  It's parked right out front."

The teller went and got a loan officer and they did some checking.  Much to their surprise, Bubba was indeed the owner of the car and had a clean title.  So, the loan officer explained to him about the interest rate, the terms of the loan, etc, then Bubba signed the papers, pocketed the $5000 and walked out.

Once Bubba left, the car was driving into the bank's secured, underground garage.  Secretly, all of the officers of the bank were hoping they'd seen the last of Bubba.  Each of them had dreams of getting the car if Bubba was in default of the loan.  But, they also decided to do some checking on him.

2 weeks later, Bubba showed up and paid back the $5000 plus $28.50 in interest.  As he was getting ready to drive out of the garage, the loan officer couldn't help himself, he had to ask.  "Sir", he said, "while you were gone, we did some checking up on you.  You graduated near the top of your class from an ivy league school.  You have business interests all over the world and you went to Paris for an internation trade convention.  Why  did you need to borrow $5000 on your car."  To which Bubba replied as he tossed his toothpick, "I didn't.  But where else could I park my car in  NYC for 2 weeks for $28.50 and still have it there when I got back?"

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Re: A Merry Heart

Post by Sonshine on Sat Jun 22, 2013 9:36 am

LOL, sounds like Bubba is a wise investor. Smile

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Re: A Merry Heart

Post by Sonshine on Sat Jun 22, 2013 9:40 am

A frog goes into the bank to try to get a loan.  The loan officer, Patty, asked the lfrog what she had for collateral.  The frog takes out a ceramic ladybug to offer as collateral.  Well, Patty, not knowing what the ladybug was worth, decided to take the issue up with her manager.  The manager looked at the ladybug, then looked at the loan officer and said, "It's a nick nack, Patty Wack, give the frog a loan."

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Re: A Merry Heart

Post by Rohn on Sat Jun 22, 2013 11:28 am


Researchers for the Pennsylvania Turnpike Commission found over 200 dead crows near the City of  Pittsburgh recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.

By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

PTC then hired an ornithological behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The ornithological behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

The conclusion was that while all the lookout crows could say "Cah", none could say "Truck."

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Re: A Merry Heart

Post by dizzy on Sat Jun 22, 2013 6:52 pm

How do you tell the difference between a Canada goose from Canada, and one that's a year round resident?

The ones that are here year round say "Honk, Honk", while the ones from Canada say, "Honk, aay."

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Re: A Merry Heart

Post by kerrig on Fri Jul 19, 2013 9:24 pm

Hahahahahahaha, I laughed at all of these. Even my step-son did too. ROTFLMBO. Smile
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Re: A Merry Heart

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